


No One Cried Harder

by DeadBeat666



Series: S'all Good, Man [2]
Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Death, Depression, F/M, Grief, Hurt and comfort, Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Mourning, Saul Has an Anxiety Disorder, Self Harm, Suicide, suicial thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadBeat666/pseuds/DeadBeat666
Summary: Jimmy never really liked processing his feelings, especially ones involving his recently deceased brother. But that letter?Nothing could have prepared Jimmy for that….
Relationships: Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler
Series: S'all Good, Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852261
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	No One Cried Harder

Jimmy didn’t even realize just how coldly he’d read Chuck’s letter until he turned to look at Kim, shocked to see the tears in her eyes.  
“J-Just… Just give me a minute.” Kim said with an unsteady voice, going to the bedroom and pushing on the door to shut it.  
Jimmy grit his teeth together forcefully, closing his eyes tightly as he heard Kim crying on the other side of the door.  
She’s shed more tears over Chuck’s death than his own brother…  
Jimmy didn’t want to deal with this anymore. He didn’t feel any sort of grief or regret when thinking about how his older brother died in those flames. He lived and then he died, just like everyone in life.  
God, he didn’t even die as his brother.  
How long until Kim gives up on mourning and realizes that it doesn’t change a damn thing? Jimmy wasn’t a lawyer anymore, his life goals all thrown to a halt for at least a whole fucking year thanks to that pompous asshole’s final ‘fuck you’. Oh wait, that was the letter. Chuck couldn’t even write a death letter to Jimmy without mentioning his seedy past and how he’d saved his helpless and misguided brother from ruin.  
Jimmy stomped to the bathroom, locking the door and trying to compose himself. He wasn’t sad, he was angry. Why was he the only one completely unaffected by this? Even Howard was shaking and swallowing thickly during the service. And even afterwards, when he told them about-.  
Jimmy slammed his hand on the bathroom sink, glaring at himself in the mirror intensely.  
“Fuck you!” He faintly heard as his ears rang and his lips moved, “You don’t get to say that to me! He wouldn’t-! He just wouldn’t!”  
Chuck _did not_ kill himself. He didn’t. That man was too much of an egotistical bastard to give up on his perfect life like that. The old man had it all; a successful law firm, an actual house and steady paycheck, and both family and friends willing to wait on him hand and foot. Jimmy did everything for Chuck for the past couple years and he got nothing in return besides a list of accusations and the removal of his entire career.  
So yeah, fuck that piece of shit.  
Good thing he died burning, it gave him a bit of practice for Hell.  
There was a harsh knock on the bathroom door, but Jimmy wasn’t even aware of it, seeing a redness spread over his face as his throat began to ache. Was he yelling words still, or was he just screaming at this point? Jimmy kept his hands on the sink, leaning against it as he felt his legs go weak under him. He was shaking horribly and he could only hear an echo of screams and cries that seemed to be in his head. He imagined they were Chucks screams as he burned alive.  
Why?  
He had everything to live for, even if he _had_ retired. HHM cut the lucky bastard a check to last him a lifetime, and there were more on the way… Not to mention Jimmy would be seeing only a few thousand of it (He didn’t care about the money at this point, but the amount was the nail in Jimmy’s coffin). 

_If anyone should be killing themselves, it should be me._ _  
_ Jimmy froze at that though, which seemed to bloom out of nowhere in the middle of his racing thoughts about money, wills, and how dramatic Chuck had been. Jimmy was not a violent man, he’d never really considered the action of actually… Killing himself. He was a coward, too afraid to die but too miserable to live. But even he had to admit that things seemed… Hopeless. His own brother had turned against him before dying off as if he’d finally fulfilled his life’s purpose to fuck Jimmy over. By now, Jimmy couldn’t even see himself in the mirror as he backed away from it. The knocking on the door was now a frantic pounding as the ex-lawyer’s back hit the wall. He slid down to the floor, holding onto himself as his nails dug into his arms.  
“Jimmy, _please_ .” He faintly heard, “Please open the door.”  
The trembling voice sent a shiver through Jimmy that made him become just slightly more aware. He was on the bathroom floor, locked in with a pounding heart and a throat dry from yelling. He was just barely aware of the splintering sound of wood breaking. Kim was by his side a moment later, kneeling and trying to get him off the floor.  
“I-It should have been me…” Jimmy barely said, Kim’s eyes widening lightly.  
“What? Jimmy, what did you just say?” She asked as if there was any chance she’d misheard.  
Jimmy almost wanted to smile ruefully at that. 

_There’s no such luck._ _  
_ Jimmy didn’t have the heart or energy to repeat himself, and it looked like Kim wasn’t going to ask again.  
Not after she saw the blood.  
“J-Jimmy, stop.” Her voice practically begged as she tried to pry Jimmy’s hands from his arms, seeing that his nails were drawing thick drops of crimson. 

Jimmy hadn’t even noticed, his arms going rigid in shock as Kim started pulling at them.   
“Why are you doing this?!” Kim asked desperately, finally getting him to let go of the painful grip.  
“H-He killed himself!” Jimmy practically yelled as if it was a solid reason, tears swelling in his eyes.  
Kim instantly threw her arms around the smaller man, both to comfort and to keep his nails from returning to his wounds.  
“J-Jimmy… Does this run in your family?” She tried to ask calmly.  
Jimmy gave a weak scoff, “You mean mental illness? It runs through us like blood.” He said without remorse.  
Kim didn’t make another comment about it, gently whispering, “Come on, let’s go clean you up…” as she helped him off the floor.  
She led him to the couch, having him sit down to catch his breath. Jimmy tried to wipe his tears away, blood dripping on his shirt in the process. Kim watched for a moment before going to the medicine cabinet. She kept turning around to observe him, as if she was afraid he’d jump out the window when her back was turned. But she soon returned with Jimmy still in one miserable piece, sitting beside him as she started to clean and wrap his cuts.  
“I… I’m sorry…” He meekly said, expecting another lecture and being forced to promise it wouldn’t happen again.  
Their conversations usually ended that way…  
But instead, Kim gently took his shaking hands, Jimmy now realizing that hers were shaking too. She looked him deep in his eyes with a pleading look.  
“P-Please… I need you to get help.” She said desperately.  
Jimmy didn’t want to. He wanted to process this in his own unhealthy way. But the fear in Kim’s eyes worried him, seeing just how afraid she looked. He’d never seen her so upset before.   
And so Jimmy hesitantly nodded, “O-Ok… I’ll talk to someone. I promise.”  
Kim pursed her lips together slightly before softly replying, “Thank you, Jimmy…”  
Jimmy relaxed a that, having been worried he’d question him endlessly and demand answers to why he’d suffered such a fit. But luckily Kim was silent, sitting back and trying not to shake as she turned on the tv. She gently leaned into his hold, being mindful of the bandaged that now had pink spots dotted along his arm. Jimmy savored this, holding her close as they watched the flickering screen in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Dude... Jimmy's whole family is dead T-T  
> Also thank you for reading and please leave a kudo and comment <3  
> Lol not a huge fan of Jimmy and Kim's relationship, but Kim can be a protective badass at times and I know Jimmy needs someone like that in his life rn lol


End file.
